back to work.
The letter from CPS finally came. I am to report to 125 S. Clark at 10am on Friday, and be available to work November 1.
I can't begin to describe the feeling of dread I have at the thought of working for CPS again. There is nothing I want less. You know that euphoric feeling you get upon the first day of a new job? It's like a sense of new beginnings, starting over, endless possibilities? That "this time it's gonna work," "this job's gonna be so much better" feeling. Yeah, I don't have that. I'd rather be making dolls in a sweatshop in the Honduras than do anything for CPS.
I felt so sick about it I didn't want to wake up today, though I forced myself to anyway. Even after I ate and showered, I didn't want the day to begin, even though it already had, and time keeps moving forward forcing me into my inevitable fate - an endless dull existence bending over for a heartless, unthinking, insensitive, impersonal, unproductive and ineffective bureaucracy.
I know most people will ask why I don't just look for another job. Well, I have not because frankly, I can't even think of any better alternative. I've been in several chair-warming positions for companies whose names rhyme with "Horizon Tiredness" or "Abbott (and Costello) Macrobulbonics," and they all have offered similar meaningless, purposeless lives. Their main function always seems to be providing employees with unlimited internet, then finding new ways to keep them from using it. Frankly, the only thing CPS can give me that anyone else isn't offering right now is a steady paycheck, and I'm just too scared to turn that down. I'd go to the Honduras to seek out that doll-making position, but I can't find an email address.
listening to: fischerspooner
in my sink: my dog (or at least he keeps jumping up on it enough! and he never finds anything.)
I can't begin to describe the feeling of dread I have at the thought of working for CPS again. There is nothing I want less. You know that euphoric feeling you get upon the first day of a new job? It's like a sense of new beginnings, starting over, endless possibilities? That "this time it's gonna work," "this job's gonna be so much better" feeling. Yeah, I don't have that. I'd rather be making dolls in a sweatshop in the Honduras than do anything for CPS.
I felt so sick about it I didn't want to wake up today, though I forced myself to anyway. Even after I ate and showered, I didn't want the day to begin, even though it already had, and time keeps moving forward forcing me into my inevitable fate - an endless dull existence bending over for a heartless, unthinking, insensitive, impersonal, unproductive and ineffective bureaucracy.
I know most people will ask why I don't just look for another job. Well, I have not because frankly, I can't even think of any better alternative. I've been in several chair-warming positions for companies whose names rhyme with "Horizon Tiredness" or "Abbott (and Costello) Macrobulbonics," and they all have offered similar meaningless, purposeless lives. Their main function always seems to be providing employees with unlimited internet, then finding new ways to keep them from using it. Frankly, the only thing CPS can give me that anyone else isn't offering right now is a steady paycheck, and I'm just too scared to turn that down. I'd go to the Honduras to seek out that doll-making position, but I can't find an email address.
listening to: fischerspooner
in my sink: my dog (or at least he keeps jumping up on it enough! and he never finds anything.)
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